you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
