I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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