walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
