I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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