the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
