I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
