out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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