you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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