Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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