I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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