I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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