i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
