just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
