i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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