I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
