I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
