Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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