I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
