Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
