I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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