dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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