eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am available for nakedness
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
