just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize