I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
