i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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