you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
