dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
