I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
