I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
