Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
