all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
