the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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