This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
