I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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