So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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