the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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