based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
