We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
