Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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