I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
