I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
