i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
