you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
