thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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