I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
