hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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