ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
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i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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