I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize