dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
