I just made out with a guy for $7.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
