based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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