I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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