I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
