It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize