before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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