The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
