my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
