Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i will never coherently bang her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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