He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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