Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
