you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
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guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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