We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
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I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize