i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
