Redeem this text for a blowjob
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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