suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
