I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
